On my desk sits a random rubber band. Tan in color. Nothing spectacular about it. Yet, when I see it–every single time I see it, it ministers to me. At the beginning of this year I had the privilege of hearing a college friend speak at an event. I don’t remember every single word. I remember feeling a sense of pride and celebration because he really delivered effortlessly and sincerely impacted the audience with his message. In his few moments he passed out these rubber bands to the audience and talked about being stretched.
Dawg…I didn’t realize how significant this small, everyday item would shape my year. This, of course, was before covid madness. Back when we all thought 2020 would be just another year. We can definitely all say that this year has been anything but normal. A global pandemic. A presidential race that seemed more like a never-ending episode of SNL. This was the year that I needed God the most and I wasn’t allowed go and absorb the word in person. The dynamics of my job changed. I got a side-job. I’ve been a little overwhelmed all year.
Kobe and his baby girl passed away. Chadwick passed away. Natalie Desselle passed away. RBG passed away. Rep. John Lewis passed away. Charley Pride passed away. These are just the ones that I remember. SMH. The judge in NJ lost her son in an ambush-style attack in her home. Three hundred thousand American citizens died from the virus. Trucks were used as mobile morgues. Bodies have been unclaimed and settled into mass graves. I feel like this year has been marked by sorrow and grief. I had the privilege of having a bonus Gramma who really made such a remarkable impact on my life in the few years that I’d known her. She’s resting eternally. This year felt like my culture lost so many great and talented people who really shaped it.
Friends lost parents suddenly from sickness. Like what the heck?
It really felt like we really couldn’t win collectively. Add to all this Ahmaud, Breonna, George…and more. Civil unrest in a pandemic. I marched in protest in the middle of a pandemic.
I cried under my mask. I felt an overwhelming pride because there were people there in droves who didn’t look like me. I was emotional, thinking, “I can’t believe I am actually protesting…” and “I cannot believe we are still marching for this same shit!”
Then December came…with a swift Hunger Games-style wind that knocked the heck out of me. Not only did Covid show up front and center…BUT, it prevented me from being with my family after my own Gramma passed away suddenly. I loved my Mary, but she went peacefully and I know she’s finally resting with our creator. My mom grieved the loss of her mom and I couldn’t physically be there for her. The only thing that gave me peace is knowing that I had her for 34 years, she knew we loved her, and even when conflict would arise we’d tell each other about ourselves and continue to love each other anyway.
I had to force myself to get up and get work done and on a thumbtack on my corkboard I see this rubber band hanging as it’s done for the past 11 months. It reminded me of the message. It reminds me of 1 Corinthians 10:13. I had to ponder on Matthew 11:28-30. I had to constantly tell myself to set my thoughts on higher things. To not fear or focus my energy on the awful things in life. This rubber band has been one of the best things I’ve received in a long time. It helped me focus on the amazing people I have in my life and how much I can depend on them for prayer, necessities, and simple conversation.
I wish I had some positive note to really land this post. I don’t. I guess it really do be like that sometimes. I won’t say I hate 2020 and I won’t rush the year away. I will just continue to trust in God’s sovereignty and the fact that He really loves me beyond my own disaster of a self.
It’s been a Hymn type of day. Check out “In the Garden” by Janice Gaines.
Blessings.
Classically Black 